Excerpted from the personal ads in today’s Amalcross Daily:

• “I’m Lord ‘ja Flurk, a nobleman with a noble lineage, generous and kind heart, open-minded and progressive humanist, seeking any woman capable of child-bearing with whom to continue the titled Flurk lineage. Also open to men with amenable sisters. Height 73 in.”

• “My name is Saryoh Thumble, I’m a seamstress (family runs a mid-size textile business) looking for an ambitious, upwardly mobile man. No hookups. Politically advantageous unions ONLY.”

• “Thelonius Melonius is my name. Barding is my game. In town for the Conclave, seeking no-strings fun. All welcome. Excellent with my instrument — come discover for yourself.”

• “Iaian Tunk — bounty hunter and florist — seeking love and companionship. Bonus if you love traveling with discretion and peonies.”

  

  Share

• “On behalf of Baronness Yeugy Chilshire: Seeking to replace an untimely deceased ex-husband. You must be patient, tolerant of emotional and physical abuse, and good at eating ass. The bestowment of the title of Baron or co-Baronness depends wholly upon your desire to serve.”

• “I’m Tag, a human-focused Binder, seeking willing and curious subjects to be affixed for periods of time for erotic fun. In shape, handsome. Open to something long-term.”

• “You probably know me. My name is Rensmorina, the loudest bar wench tending the seediest bar in Amalcross, the Ale & Marrow. Looking for a daring fellow to join me on my after-hours adventures. A princess on the streets, but a Rilk’gar Queen in the sheets.”